Learning to Embrace Change
Wisdom from Yung Pueblo
This week, I’m happy to share an article I wrote for Spirituality & Health magazine about transforming our relationship to change that features profound insights from Diego Perez—the wise young man behind the pen name, yung pueblo, whose new book, Lighter, just debuted as #1 on the New York Times bestseller list.
Learning to embrace change with all its uncertainty has always been challenging for me. Growing up as the daughter of two traumatized Holocaust survivors who lost virtually everything during the war, change often sparks fears of catastrophic loss. Trusting life—being relaxed enough to “go with the flow”—usually feels scary, naïve and irresponsible. But as Diego points out, it’s extremely depleting and painful to live life in survival mode, and being able to let go and embrace change is an essential part of finding peace.
Two weeks ago, I shared an article featuring Diego’s wisdom about emotional maturity where I wrote about the many ways Diego reminds me of my father. So much of my dad’s healing journey was focused on releasing his suffering and learning to trust life. Diego’s teachings are helping me follow my father’s lead, and for that I am extremely grateful.
Myra’s article in Spirituality & Health magazine
Changing Our Relationship to Change
“Change has easily been my greatest teacher, and my rejection of change has been my greatest cause of sorrow,” writes bestselling author Diego Perez, writing under the pen name yung pueblo, in the new book Lighter. Perez says his biggest life lesson has been the truth of impermanence, and that although it may seem paradoxical, the most promising path to security is learning to let go.
As a mother prone to worrying, I asked Perez how we can truly let go when it feels as if we’re biologically programmed to continuously try to protect ourselves and our families. Perez replied, “While of course we do our best for the people we love, what I’ve found is that if we constantly live in survival mode, it makes life very hard. So much is simply out of our hands. If we’re trying to control every aspect of reality, we’re not going to be in alignment with what’s actually true, because what’s true is that everything arises and passes away.”
Perez believes that much of our fierce urge to protect is actually the product of the conditioning we were born into—an inherited fear-based state of mind. “When Buddha started meditating, he was unlocking the full potential of human nature that wasn’t dependent just on biology. The openness of the liberation he experienced, and his deep embrace of impermanence, were evolutionary in nature, moving humanity forward in a very powerful way.”
In Lighter, Perez explains that fear is essentially a craving for safety. “A mind dominated by fear is a mind still in survival mode. Even when there is relative calm in our external environment, a mind that lives in survival mode will adopt a defensive stance and explore imaginary scenarios of what could go wrong as a way to remain prepared.”
Perez says that viewing our attachments to the people and things we love as a form of security is “one of the biggest mirages that human beings have fallen for.” In fact, there is no security in attachment—nothing but pain, confusion, and misdirection. “Real security can only be found in a deep embrace of impermanence.”
Perez laughed gently as he told me, “We fight change with all our might, but we always lose because change is going to win in the end. When we stop fighting the truth of change, the love we have for whatever we hold dear becomes purer because the element of control isn’t as predominant.”
Taking a pragmatic approach, Perez says, “Since change is something that we can’t escape, there is no other option than to fully embrace it.” He believes that it is our relationship to change that greatly determines the level of peace we experience. “The wisest and happiest people I’ve met are continuously immersed in the truth of change.”
The Positive Aspects of Change
Perez wants us to remember that if we spend too much time fearing change, we will forget to celebrate it. “All the things we love come into being because the ups and downs of change have given them their shape,” Perez writes. “The people we cherish, the moments that bring us joy, the love we’ve felt, the victories that help us heal and live better—all these things are facilitated by change. If all things were static, there would be nothing new. Our very lives are the product of change.”
Perez reminds us that human beings can never stay the same. “At the core of what we truly are is change. Our power, and the reason that healing is even possible, lies in the fact that with intention we can give the natural flow of change within us a clear direction, as opposed to just unconsciously riding the ups and downs of life.”
