Fault-Finding Mind
Many months ago, I saw a powerful quote in a magazine that has continued to stay with me: “Instead of having a fault-finding mind, develop the beautiful attitude of gratitude.” This wise advice was written by a British-Australian Theravada Buddhist monk named Ajahn Brahm, author of a number of books, including, Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?—Inspiring Stories for Welcoming Life’s Difficulties.
The phrase “fault-finding mind” deeply impacted me, because it clearly illuminated my tendency to pick out and bemoan imperfections—what is “bad,” hard, or going wrong. I first talked about how people have a negativity bias in my blog post, Remember the Good, where I described how negative events have a greater impact on our brains than positive ones. Many experts view this predisposition as an evolutionary survival mechanism—it was more important to remember where a predator was hiding than to recall something pleasant.
The psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Rick Hanson says, “The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” To help overcome our negativity bias, Dr. Hanson recommends consciously turning a fleeting positive event (like a compliment that hardly registered, or an act of kindness that was barely acknowledged) into an impactful positive experience that “sticks” by taking the time to remember and relish it for ten to thirty seconds.
Practices like these were at the heart of my father’s healing journey, and I’ve been trying to do them more often. When I bring to mind and savor memories of something delightful—such as the effusive welcome I received from my grandchildren when I arrived at their home—my system is flooded with happiness and love.
Working to counteract our mind’s fault-finding tendencies by intentionally cultivating the “beautiful attitude of gratitude” brings many benefits. Scientific research confirms that feelings of gratitude consistently lead to more positive emotions, better health, and an increased ability to relish good experiences, deal with adversity, and build stronger relationships.
The three Ajahn Brahm quotes below all help me remember one of the biggest lessons I continue to learn from my father: No matter our circumstances, we all have the power to bring more peace and joy into our lives.
Myra
