A few months ago, I wrote one of my favorite blog posts, Lessons from Leo, sharing what I’ve learned about life from our sweet, quirky yellow lab puppy, Leo. The essay inspired my friend, Lisa Rudolph (a multiple Emmy award-winning reporter who I will be officially related to next year when her daughter, Kyra, marries my son, Jeff) to ask herself: “What beautiful insights and revelations is my dog Luna offering that I haven’t yet taken the time to notice and fully appreciate?” In answer, she wrote a parody essay that had me laughing so hard I just had to share it with you. Lisa prefaces her essay with this disclaimer, “I love this dog with every fiber of my being, but Luna is no Leo.”

Enjoy!

Myra

Lessons from Luna

By Lisa Rudolph

My two children grew up in New York City and always wanted a dog. As a single mother, I knew it would be too expensive and difficult to care for one, but I promised, “As soon as we have a house with a backyard, we will get a dog.”

Fast-forward a dozen years to when my youngest, Gabriel, was already in college. My partner Oliver and I had moved to Cape Cod and were living in a house on a pond with an actual white picket fence and a couple of acres. It was time to add a dog to our family. My daughter Kyra found an adorable Australian Shepherd puppy that we fell in love with over FaceTime.

The moment we picked up our seven week-old pup, she came bounding out of her crate into our arms … and our hearts. True to her breed, and a character from the start, Luna’s first weeks were spent trying to herd us all, leaving ankles and hands covered in Neosporin. She didn’t run, but rather bounced like Tigger. As tiny as she was, she was tough. The rougher the play, the more she loved it. Luna would fly across the yard with tireless abandon, mouth clenched on a ball bigger than her entire body.

It was Myra’s son Jeff, our daughter’s fiancé, who came up with the name Luna. We quickly decided Luna was short for Luna-tic. Myra’s father saw dogs as teachers who show us how to live in the moment and give affection unconditionally. But, if I’m being honest, Luna’s life lessons are a lot less poetic than that. So with all due respect to Myra, her father and Leo, I will share six lessons I’ve learned over the past five years from our Luna:

1. Eat as fast as physically possible and immediately beg for more. Luna needed a maze food bowl to “encourage” slow eating, so instead of inhaling at once, now it takes a good thirty seconds before every last speck is vacuumed up. I believe the lesson here is too much is never enough, especially when it comes to food and treats.

2. If you find something you like doing, don’t stop. Ever. If we have ten minutes to throw the frisbee, Luna insists on thirty. If she is taken to swim after a stick tossed in the pond, she will keep going until the thrower’s arm falls off. When Oliver takes her on a ten-mile mountain bike trail, she not only runs alongside the entire way, but insists on a post ride swim, followed by frisbee and an disdainful dismissal of any suggestion of resting. Luna constantly reminds me that I am lazy and need to step up my game.

3. Love with unapologetic favoritism. I’ve never met a dog more in love with men. I may be the one who feeds, walks, and gives her massages, but if I come home when Oliver hasn’t arrived yet, Luna doesn’t budge from the picture window overlooking the front walkway, ignoring me as if I didn’t exist. When Oliver finally appears, Luna shoots like a rocket, skittering around the corner, jumping and covering him with kisses while whimpering in excitement. This happens whether Oliver has been gone five hours or five minutes. She behaves the same way with my son Gabriel and Myra’s son Jeff, as well as any plumber, electrician or UPS delivery man. Inexplicable exceptions include only one of the two women who cleans our house and Gabriel’s girlfriend. Luna has taught me it’s okay to go after what you want, but when it comes to favoritism, especially in the family, this lesson is one I don’t believe I should try.

4. Cherish your own needs first at all times. Luna may be all of forty-five pounds, but as far as she is concerned, she is invincible. Her modus operandi when it comes to other dogs is to hold her ground, refuse to relinquish, and whenever possible, steal their toys—especially bones. That includes taking on any rival, including a Great Dane four times her size. In fairness, Luna pretends to have maternal instincts when given countless plush toys that she gently licks for the first day before proceeding to her demolition phase, leaving stuffing, eyeballs and body parts strewn about with half a limb dangling from her mouth like a cigarette. The message here is: What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.

Luna with what was once a baby lamb plush toy

5. Demand play (corollary to lesson #2). Bring frisbee, ball, toy du jour and stare down your human until it succumbs to your pleasure. If Luna wants to play with the big basketball and we try to substitute a smaller ball or play a different game, she simply sits down and refuses to budge until her chosen toy wins. If anyone has the audacity to ignore her play requests, she comes up from behind or between our legs and keeps nudging until she is acknowledged and her play needs are met. I am embarrassed to admit that Luna has us very well trained and we tend to laugh at her behavior because she is so darn cute. Luna reminds me that compromise doesn’t get you what you really want. Insistence does.

6. Meet every day with unwavering domination. The key to Luna’s world is to be in charge at all times. If someone opens a door, Luna needs to run in to make sure she knows who, where and what they are up to. There is no place for us—or any visitor—to hide. She will find you. This includes in the toilet and shower. And no matter how much she supposedly loves you, Luna does not hesitate to bare her teeth, growl or nip if she doesn’t like what you are doing. I learned that the hard way when, after a training session in which I was told to make sure Luna knows who is boss, I insisted on brushing her teeth. After a few warning growls were ignored, she proceeded to clamp down on my wrist, drawing blood and confirming that she was the one in charge. Daily, Luna reminds me of a primary rule of parenthood: pick your battles (and be grateful for doggie dental chews).

Clearly, “perfection” and “Luna” will never be uttered in the same sentence. Instead, she has taught me that no matter how much she runs the show, it only makes us love her more. Like Jerry Maguire, this crazy, sassy, rascally pup had us at hello, and we could never imagine our lives without her. Isn’t that, in the end, the true definition of unconditional love?

With great appreciation and envy of Leo’s angelic soul, we offer a resigned “thank you” for all your lessons, Luna.