Wisdom from a Writing Workshop
One of my earliest disappointments caused by the coronavirus was the cancelation of a weekend writing workshop I’d been eager to attend at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur with Ellen Bass and Roxan McDonald. So, when I heard these two gifted, inspiring writers were teaming up to teach a one-day Zoom class in mid-June focused on writing and gratitude, I immediately signed up.
I hadn’t taken a writing workshop in well over a year, so I was excited to gather Ellen and Roxanne’s wonderful advice and insights. In just one short day, they imparted a lot of practical wisdom that can apply to everyone, not just writers, and I am happy to have the chance to share some of it with you:
Observe Without Naming
The class started with Roxanne asking all of us to look at something in our immediate environment without naming it—to simply observe.
I gazed at a grove of young redwood trees swaying side to side in the wind, and was struck by the dramatic shift in my perception when I stopped labeling what I was seeing as “trees.” When I no longer projected everything I’d ever learned about “trees” onto these redwoods—dividing them into bark and branches, leaves and root, green and brown—but just observed them instead, it was as if I was seeing them for the first time. Liberated from classifications and judgments, the trees stopped being trees; they became a boundless experience of textures, colors, and shapes.
Since that day, I’ve continued to practice “observing without naming,” because it’s a rapid gateway into the present moment—helping me slow down, see more beauty, and feel more intimately connected to the powerful energy of nature. I believe that my father viewed nature like this—with eyes unclouded by his projections, and that is why he received nature so intimately and was always swept up in its magic. He wrote about being aware of a kinship between him and the flowers and plants, as if “a sympathetic cord” was uniting them in a “world of fragrance, color, acceptance and understanding.”
Put Away Your Inner Critic
Before we began to write, Ellen and Roxanne asked us to set aside our inner critic. She wouldn’t be needed that day, they instructed us, and would surely limit our capacity to be open, creative and free. They assured us that we could welcome her back later when the class was over, but not before.
We were told to send our critics off to someplace specific, not just say a casual goodbye. Immediately, I had a vision of my inner critic far away at a spa in Maui, reclining nude in a warm mud bath, a cool, wet towel over her eyes. My subconscious knew that to keep her away for a whole day, my inner critic needed to be happily occupied, and that it would be best to make her return a time-consuming multi-phase endeavor. First, she’d have to shower, then she’d have to get dressed, then she’d have to pack her bag, get to the airport, and so on…
When the class ended at 5:00 PM, I decided to extend my inner critic’s stay in Maui a while longer. She had definitely worked non-stop my entire life without a single vacation, so this break was a welcome relief for the both of us.
Without her constant interruptions, challenges, and disparagements, my mind was notably quieter, and I felt mellower, happier and free. The contrast was clear and notable, especially when I put on my bathing suit to go for a swim. No negative self talk about my body? No shame? Wow, what a novel experience!
A big part of my father’s roadmap to happiness had been learning to love himself unconditionally—generously gifting himself with the freedom to be who he was, blunders and all. I imagine him calmly observing his inner critic, but not being driven by its directives. Following in his footsteps, I’ve decided to attempt making every Saturday an inner critic-free day so I can savor big chunks of time without her background chatter, worries and little digs. And who knows, maybe one day will eventually turn into two, and then two might turn into three, and so on…
Be Specific
Ellen and Roxanne talked a lot about how specifics bring us into the moment and help us create a credible living picture. “We love in particularities,” is how they put it.
Our first writing assignment was to make a list of things we were grateful for, and to be very specific about it. So instead of instead of simply writing “food,” I mentioned a hunk of delicious goat milk cheddar cheese I’d recently enjoyed. Rather than writing “friends,” I listed the sensitive and supportive email I’d received earlier that morning that made me feel truly seen and appreciated.
In addition to adding more specifics into my writing, I’ve noticed the benefits of adding more specifics to my speech. Saying, “I love you” to my husband can go almost undetected after saying it so often and so reflexively over thirty-seven years. But if I mention something particular, such as, “I love watching how your face lights up with joy when you’re reading texts from our kids,” he hears me, looks up and gives me a real smile.
Your First (and most important) Reader is Yourself
Ellen and Roxanne said, “Love what you love for whatever reason you love it,” which I interpreted to confirm my father’s advice about not taking all my clues about how to feel from the outside, and not limiting myself to what society says is “proper.” Slowly, day by day, I’m getting a tiny bit better at staying true to myself and being my most steadfast ally. It seems that in writing and in life, it’s wise, in general, to prioritize pleasing ourselves before we worry about pleasing others. And while at first glance it may sound selfish, it’s not, because in fact it’s much more difficult to accomplish the later without first accomplishing the former.
In addition to leaving the class with a lot of wisdom and inspiration, I came away with a list of intriguing writing prompts I want to try. Here are a few, in case you want to join me (see our Writing Practice resource):
Write an ode to something you wouldn’t ordinarily extol (a kitchen utensil, a pair of shoes, your knees or double chin, a specific loaf of bread, etc.)
Write a letter of praise to a weakness in someone you love
Write a letter of appreciation to someone you’d never think to write to
Write about the hands you have held
