On Knowledge

 From the original manuscript by Mendek Rubin,
”In Quest of the Eternal Sunshine”

When I was young, I was confident about everything I knew. I didn’t see that my knowledge had been handed down to me from generation to generation. I had to learn the hard way that “not knowing” is in fact a liberating experience. Because what I “know” is always a partial knowledge, and partial knowledge often hurts.

I knew that two plus two equals four. I knew my name and the names of the people in my life. I knew how to read, how to drive, and build machinery. But when I knew hardly anything about myself, how could I know anything about life? Living and dying in such ignorance, how could my life have meaning?

I wanted to be happy—desperately so—but happiness seemed forever out of my reach. Eventually, I saw that I was trapped in my suffering because my instinct for self-preservation extended beyond my physical body. It included my state of mind. I didn’t flow with life and bend with the wind like a willow. I was as rigid and unbending as an oak. I had to learn to make happiness my top priority. The ego that I held onto for dear life does not live in the NOW. Egos have their being in the past. If I were to love life more than I loved my ego, I would certainly find joy.