Reflections from a Birthday Spent Offline
My birthday was last Thursday, and one of the gifts I asked my husband for was to support my wish to go the entire day without hearing any news. This included no calling out interesting facts while he scrolled breaking news on his iPad, and not one moment of conversation about politics or COVID. I hadn’t taken a full break from the news since February, and I was long overdue!
Another choice I made for my birthday was to spend the day away from my laptop and off social media, limiting the use of my iPhone to sporadic checks for birthday messages. Still, it wasn’t until my birthday morning—when I couldn’t follow my usual routine of settling into my zero-gravity chair with my computer and mug of sencha green tea—that I realized it had been over six years since I’d gone a full day without opening my laptop. From the time I started working on Quest for Eternal Sunshine in 2014, I’d only skipped a handful of days in the four years it took to complete, which firmly entrenched the habit of being so attached to my computer that I’d never even thought of taking a break.
Thinking back, the time I spent on my laptop a few years ago felt notably less overstimulating than being online today. During this pandemic—with tons of urgent news and countless organizations generating fascinating content—I find myself filling my brain with new facts at hyper speed and rushing to answer emails as fast as possible, all in the hope of getting through my inbox and still having time to write.
Myra’s dogs, Henry and Leo, enjoying hanging out with her on her laptop-free mornings
My technology-free birthday was a dramatic, much-appreciated change in routine. With two cuddly dogs for company, I luxuriated in bed propped up on pillows as I drank tea and slowly absorbed inspirational tips from an old issue of Spirituality & Health magazine that I hadn’t found time to read before. Without emails coming in faster than I could clear them, and no text messages or notifications popping up to distract me, I could relax and focus my attention on one thing at a time. It felt deeply peaceful to settle into the moment and simply gaze out the window at the wispy white clouds traveling leisurely across the light blue sky. Without a hypnotic screen connecting me to boundless turmoil of the world wide web, I felt much more grounded and present.
I had a number of realizations during my offline birthday that are directly impacting how I am choosing to spend my days:
I need to change up my routine. Part of the reason days can feel so monotonous during this pandemic is that many of us are stuck in our homebound routines and having fewer new adventures. But being home can still offer countless possibilities for changing things up, which is what I am starting to do. Whether it’s brushing my teeth in a different sequence than usual, or listening to music by an artist I’ve never heard before while I straighten up, I’m experiencing how consciously choosing novelty on any scale can make daily tasks a more engaging and fulfilling experience.
I have to avoid discussing unpleasant topics over meals. Noticing how much more pleasant the meals were on my birthday when my husband and I weren’t allowed to discuss the news, I started paying attention to how talking about upsetting topics while eating stimulates my stress arousal responses, making my stomach tighten and my breathing shallow. By contrast, when I’m relaxed and unguarded, the act of eating is much more enjoyable as well as deeply restorative.
I must spend more time offline. As a naturally hyper-mental person who wants to slow down and be more grounded in my body, I need to put a stop to constant engagement with my technological devices. They distract my focus and funnel more information into my mind than my system can happily handle. Tech platforms intentionally encourage our constant clicking, scrolling, and sharing because they make billions of dollars gathering information about us to sell to their advertisers. The time has come for me to take back control by committing to one full day each week off my devices, as well as multiple long breaks every day.
I need more quiet time to process my feelings. Although my birthday offline was a perfect choice and much of it was lovely, waves of difficult emotions kept surfacing as time passed without my usual distractions. I had a lot of grief, sadness and fear waiting to be felt, acknowledged and integrated. I plan to give myself more quiet time to process all that has been going on for me, my family, my friends, our country and the world, especially on my weekly day offline.
During these taxing times, I’m seeing how important it is to prioritize reducing stress by changing habitual patterns that don’t support my wellbeing, and also to become more adept at tapping into sources of joy, renewal and connection. Communion with a greater source can also be very helpful, so I will end by sharing my wise father’s prayer.
Mendek’s Prayer
May the storms of my everyday existence—my sadness, loneliness, and fear—become the springboard to awaken me to a wisdom greater than my own, so that I may learn the lessons of love, joy, and freedom forever and ever.
Amen.
