Breaking Free
Happy New Year! Looking back at 2022, one reason it was an extra-special year for me is that I embraced a delightful new hobby: I started playing the guitar! This was a huge leap for me because although I love music, I’ve always been convinced that I had no talent for it whatsoever. For decades, I’ve maintained that I have “the worst voice in the world.” I was so self-conscious about singing that when I was the one carrying out a birthday cake during a celebration, I’d enlist someone else to start the song so I could hide my voice in the crowd.
Now, not only do I experience great pleasure and deep relaxation from strumming the guitar and belting out songs, it’s been truly revolutionary for me to spend so much time engaged in an activity that’s completely non-productive and that I have no ambition to ever excel at. This is just for me and just for joy, which means I’m putting my perfectionism aside and swapping out self-criticism for patience and kindness.
My husband, Drew, taught himself how to play the guitar in college, but he hadn’t picked it up in ages. When I decided to begin playing, he shared his instrument, showed me how to tune it, and taught me some beginner songs. Then he gifted me with my own guitar, and now we play together all the time—an unexpectedly fun and intimate new activity to share after being together for almost forty years.
The gifted song-writing duo—my sister Ruthie and niece Nina Harmer—collaborated with me on an original song, an ode to my dog Henry. I’ve been trying to write about my special relationship with Henry for years, but never could get it right. It turns out he must have been patiently waiting for a custom tune. Now I joyfully serenade him with his song every day.
Puppy Henry, who’s always followed Myra everywhere
Myra with her beloved Henry
It’s been fascinating to observe how my new undertaking keeps revealing myriad ways I’ve been programed to feel shame about things I’m not good at, and how much that has limited me and squelched my happiness. Trading in shame for unconditional self-love is a lesson my father, Mendek Rubin, often shared, but one that has taken me a long time to directly experience and fully appreciate. As I continue to play and sing every day no matter who’s visiting, I’m getting better at dropping my concern about how others might judge me so I can prioritize what brings me joy. It’s been wonderful to taste the particularly sweet sensation of feeling free and unselfconscious. I’m working on growing that capacity and carrying it into the rest of my life.
The funny thing is, it turns out that my voice isn’t so terrible after all. Apparently, I just never gave myself the chance to get comfortable and improve. The wise psychotherapist, Lori Gottlieb, wrote in her best-selling book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: “Part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself—to let go of the limiting stories you’ve told yourself about who you are so that you aren’t trapped by them, so you can live your life and not the story you’ve been telling yourself about your life.”
A huge part of my father’s healing journey was letting go of his old stories to make space for positive ones. “Like everyone else,” he wrote, “I was born innocent, with unlimited potential. I came into this world like a book with blank pages, and then a script was written that became my ongoing tale…For most of my life, I had no clue that a new script was in order, or even that I was allowed to make that request. But finally, I came to realize that I could and should figure out how to write a new story. It’s never too late.”
I feel boundlessly grateful to have had a father so deeply committed to breaking free from generations of trauma and the immeasurable suffering and loss of the Holocaust, and it is my privilege to continue to share his hard-earned wisdom and joyful, loving spirit. As 2023 gets underway, I want to thank you all for making Quest for Eternal Sunshine a part of your personal journey for wisdom, healing and self-discovery.
In addition to this weekly newsletter, Quest for Eternal Sunshine offers a growing variety of free tools for healing on our website, regular inspiration on Instagram and Facebook, and monthly free online workshops. This year’s offerings will include workshops on how to overcome excessive worrying, heal body image issues, use writing for healing and self-discovery, and more. Everything we offer is free, and everyone is welcome.
Our first workshop, Wake Up to Your Life—a mindfulness and meditation primer with Katie Dutcher who created our wonderful “Take a Moment” micro-meditation series—is a perfect way to kick off the New Year.
“What if our resolution for 2023 wasn’t to be different or better, but rather to get to know ourselves more intimately, with the aim of fully inhabiting who we really are?” Katie asks. “What if our big new change was not to force ourselves and everything around us to be different, but to embrace this moment as it is, to embrace ourselves as we are?” The essence of mindfulness, Katie explains, is being willing to live in the present moment with eyes wide open, accepting what is without needing to change anything at all.
If you want to cultivate the ability to live more fully in the present moment, please join us on January 21 to learn easy ways to weave mindfulness into the fabric of your daily life. As always, if you sign up and can’t attend live, you’ll receive a recording soon after.
With wishes for freedom from old limitations, increased presence, and every joy in 2023!
Myra
