Boundless Love—Father Day 2023
With Father’s Day fast approaching, I’ve been thinking about the fathers in my life, and the different ways they love their children.
Reminiscing about my relationship with my father, I am struck by the fact that he never seemed to care about my accomplishments in the outside world. I can’t remember him ever praising me for my good grades in college or the success my husband Drew and I achieved in the world of packaged salads and organic farming.
Being someone who is eager for praise, what I might have longed for back then is something I am only fully appreciating now: the precious gift of knowing I was thoroughly and unconditionally adored without needing to do anything to earn it. My father’s love was constant, strong and sweet. He adored me simply because I was his daughter.
Mendek and Myra, 1994
My father was a cycle-breaker. Growing up certain that he was unworthy of love because of all the ways he failed to live up to his scholarly father’s high expectations for him, my dad discovered how healing it was to shower himself with the tenderness and acceptance he’d never received. This was this same type of unconditional love that he generously shared with friends and family.
My dad’s love was generous in tangible ways as well. When I was young, he sang “Goodnight Irene” to me every night as he tucked me into bed. When I went away to college, he wrote me letters that included photos he’d taken of beautiful flowers. Soon after, he spent years helping Drew and me launch our business by inventing the equipment we needed to wash and package our salads. When our children were born, he and my mother joyously babysat every single workday.
When my father was far along with Alzheimer’s disease and could no longer remember his own name, there were days when he would look at me adoringly for a long time, and then shake his head in wonder and say, “I love you so much, but I don’t know why.” That felt like a very special way to be loved.
Although my father passed away over a decade ago, I still feel supported by his love and wisdom. He was, and still is, always there for me when I need him.
Drew with Marea and Jeff, circa 1996 (photo by Tom O’Neal)
These days, reflecting on how my husband has parented our children for more than three decades, I continue to be moved by the strength and constancy of his care and devotion. From making their lunch boxes every day in elementary school, to coaching their basketball teams from kindergarten through middle school, to helping them secure financing for their first homes, Drew has always been someone they both rely on for sustenance and guidance, as well as good fun.
Marea told me that her dad’s love feels like a safety net that is always there to support and catch her. Jeff, who recently celebrated the first anniversary of his marriage, shared that as he’s entering this next phase of life, his dad is his example of the kind of father he aspires to be.
So today, with gratitude for wonderful fathers everywhere, I leave you with this poem by Hafiz that captures the beauty and wonder of boundless, unconditional love.
And still, after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
“You owe Me.”
Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky.
― Hafiz
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