Mother’s Day 2024—Letting Go
I’m very fortunate to live near Point Lobos State Natural Reserve, where the views of the dramatic central California coastline are spectacular. When I went for a hike there with a friend a few weeks ago, we were thrilled to discover it was harbor seal pupping season. Honoring signs asking for quiet so that the seals are not disturbed, we spent a long time gazing down at the beautiful sandy beach dotted with pregnant females and mother-baby pairs.
My friend and I were touched by the sight of mommies and babies snuggling close together while they rested on the sand, the newborns nursing intermittently. We were charmed watching the pairs enter the ocean together, where they frolicked and rubbed noses as mothers taught their babies essential water navigation skills. All the seal mommies were fully devoted to their offspring, leaving them only when they needed to go far out into the ocean to search of food.
When my son visited from Manhattan the following week, I was eager to take him to that same special spot and share the sweetness of pupping season. After and oohing and aahing and taking plenty of photos, we began to speak with a park docent who shared some interesting facts about harbor seals: gestation includes a period of delayed implantation, so birth can happen anywhere between nine and eleven months after mating; mature females have one baby every year, weighing between 16 and 24 pounds; pups are developed enough at birth to follow their mothers and swim almost immediately; and at birth mothers memorize their pup’s unique vocalizations and smell so they can always recognize them.
When I asked the docent where the sweet duos go after pupping season, she replied matter-of-factly, “Babies nurse for four to six weeks, after which the mothers completely lose interest and the pups are left to forage on their own. Only half of them will survive their first year.”
“No!” my heart screamed, “That can’t be true! How can these seal mothers love so deeply and then let go so completely?”
As soon as I got home, I did some research and verified the accuracy of the docent’s information. But I also learned that mothers stop nursing when they’ve depleted their resources and need to concentrate on their own survival. Harbor seals will often lose half their body weight while nursing—providing their babies with rich milk that is almost 50% fat and gives them enough nourishment to double their birth weight in such a short amount of time. After weaning their pups, the mother’s swim off and mate again quickly. Delayed implantation allows them to recover from their last birth, and ensures that their next baby will be born at an optimal time.
When I went back to Point Lobos the following week, there were fewer mommy-baby pairs. April had turned to May, and the majority of the seals had swum off. Emotionally, I was still having a hard time bearing the inevitable conclusion of harbor seal pupping season, but I leaned into my discomfort, knowing that allowing myself to experience these feelings was helping me learn to accept life as it actually is, not as I want it to be. As Alan Watts wisely said, “Whether we like it or not, change comes, and the greater the resistance, the greater the pain.”
My daughter Marea, whose oldest child recently turned fourteen, was just telling me about the challenges of adjusting to parenting an independent teenager instead of a young girl eager for her company. One of my closest friends is having to adjust to her only child leaving their California home to go to college in far-away London this fall. I recall saying so many hard goodbyes to my own children—including when they first got their driver’s licenses and drove off to high school on their own for the first time, despite my significant trepidation.
Marea just told me this past weekend that she’s been discovering how parenting is so often requiring her to be open to what she holds most dear constantly changing. In truth, humans are not entirely dissimilar from the harbor seals. So much of mothering is about loving with all our hearts while knowing we’ll eventually have to let go.
With gratitude to every mother on earth for your love, care and generosity,
Happy Mother’s Day!
For a sweet Mother’s Day treat, enjoy watching a mommy harbor seal frolic in the ocean with her 1-day-old baby in this lovely 2-minute video.
