Wounded Healers
“A hero is one who heals their own wounds and then shows others how to do the same.”
—Yung Pueblo
This quote from the best-selling author and poet, Yung Pueblo, makes me think of two very special men: my beloved father, Mendek Rubin, and my dear friend, Bill Harvey, who passed away on March 31, less than two months shy of his 98th birthday.
I first wrote about Bill’s remarkable life story in One in a Million, where I shared how he reached out to me after attending a Quest for Eternal Sunshine virtual book event with the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles two years ago. A Holocaust survivor like my father, Bill was born in 1924 in Berehova, Czech Republic, now part of Ukraine.
Bill Harvey and his wife, June, in a graphic from a feature on Bill in Oprah Magazine from November, 2020
From the first time we spoke, Bill and I felt as if we’d always been friends. Like my father, Bill’s spirit was light and joyful, buoyed by his open heart and deep appreciation of life. At 95, despite being legally blind and having endured unimaginable suffering and loss, Bill overflowed with curiosity, enthusiasm, and warmth.
After Bill listened to the Audible version of Quest for Eternal Sunshine, we discovered that he and my father had come to America on the very same ship—the Marine Perch, an army liberty liner that departed from Bremerhaven, Germany on August 22, 1946. Given that 140,000 Holocaust survivors immigrated to America after the war, this coincidence was so unlikely, it felt truly magical. Bill was absolutely certain he’d met my dad. “The seas were rough, so we were always on the deck. I’m positive that Mendek was there. I am a gregarious person and I spoke to everybody on that ship. For ten days, there was nothing else to do but talk. There were a lot of Polish boys, and I spoke to every one of them.”
Marine Perch ship rosters: (left) Mendek and his sister Bronia listed as passengers; (right) Bill and his sister Elizabeth (Bill’s last name was Herskovitz until he changed it to Harvey)
There is a word, bashert, in Yiddish that means “destiny” or “meant to be.” Bill, who had never before reached out to meet someone after an online event, said our meeting was bashert, and I totally agree. Unexpected love and mutual appreciation immediately blossomed between us. I found the tone of his voice and thick accent soothing and delightful, and I especially enjoyed how, just like my dad, Bill would spontaneously break into song, serenading me over the phone.
Last November, after Bill shared his terminal cancer diagnosis with me, I felt driven to gather and share more of his precious wisdom. In Choosing a Better Tomorrow, I wrote about the astounding impact he made on a group of inmates at Lancaster prison. After an incredibly successful career as a hairdresser to some of Hollywood’s most famous stars (including Judy Garland, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Liza Minnelli), followed by more success in Los Angeles real estate, Bill began to speak to groups at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles, as well as many other venues, planting seeds of love, hope and compassion in the hearts of people who came to hear his heartbreaking and inspiring story.
I recently read an article in Psychology Today by Diana Raab, Ph.D. about “wounded healers”—a term first coined by Carl Jung that perfectly describes Bill and my father. “Wounded healers are people whose painful experiences enable them to help others,” wrote Dr. Raab. “Because they’ve dealt with their own challenges in the past, they more easily understand hardship. They also know, like therapists, that to help others heal, it’s important to instill hope so the person is able to see the light in their darkness.”
Kathie Kellogg-Taxe and Bill Harvey
Bill’s close friend, Kathie Kellogg-Taxe—the clinical psychologist who helped organize Bill’s talk at the prison—told me that Bill taught her many essential life lessons. “Hearing Bill’s talks and watching his interactions with people in his everyday life showed me how to make the most of every single day. From the moment Bill woke up every morning, he chose to be happy and grateful—to make every day a good day, no matter what challenges he faced. He was a master at being resilient and truly gifted at making friends. He encouraged everyone to take good care of themselves—to eat well, exercise and keep engaging with others. He taught me how to live, and now he’s taught me how to die.”
The most important and rewarding part of life to Bill was helping others. “We come into this world with nothing,” he once told me, “and we can’t take anything with us when we go, but when our time comes, we can know that we left the world a better place because we were here.”
Bill and I said a tearful goodbye over the phone two weeks before he passed. When I think of him now, I am most amazed at how much he loved this world despite all the loss and horror he experienced. When he talked about the key to his worldly success, he said that his biggest gift was that he truly loved people. He also told me that ever since he was a young child, he understood that everyone loves in their own way. I feel so blessed to have known Bill, and experience the wonderful way he loved.
In loving memory of William (Bill) Harvey—May 20, 1925 to March 31, 2022
Yom HaShoah—Holocaust Remembrance Day
Yom HaShoah—Holocaust Remembrance Day—was recently celebrated from sunset Wednesday, April 27, to sunset Thursday, April 28. President Biden issued a proclamation about Yom HaShoah, declaring the week of April 24 “Days of Remembrance of Victims of the Holocaust,” a time for people to pause to remember both the victims and survivors. In the proclamation, Biden recounted his meeting with my aunt Bronia, a survivor of Auschwitz, and he stated that survivors who went on to new build new lives are “living testaments to the enduring resilience of the human spirit.”
President Biden speaking with Bronia and her daughter Etta in the Oval Office
As more Holocaust survivors like Bill Harvey and my father pass away, and as prejudice, ethnic violence, and injustice continue to soar around the world, I was heartened to read these words from our President: “Remembrance is our eternal duty, but remembrance without action risks becoming an empty ritual. As individuals, we must never be indifferent to human cruelty and human suffering. As nations, we must stand together across the international community against antisemitism, which is once again rearing its ugly head around the world. We must combat other forms of hatred and educate new generations about the Holocaust… Today and every day, we stand against antisemitism and all other forms of hate and continue our work to ensure that everyone can live in a world that safeguards the fundamental human dignity of all people.”
On the occasion of Yom HaShoah, I want to share a feature story about my aunt Bronia in People magazine from March 7, “Holocaust Survivor Couldn’t Talk About It for 50 Years. Biden Listened for 90 Minutes in the Oval Office.” I was touched that it included a link to my father’s obituary.
With wishes for more kindness, peace and love in our world,
Myra
