Lessons from Leo VII
Leo is my extra-sweet, extremely quirky fox-colored Labrador who recently turned seven. When he joined our family as an eight-week-old pup in the fall of 2019, he raised the total number of dogs we had to three.
From the moment Leo arrived, our five-year-old Lab Henry embraced his new brother with great enthusiasm, thrilled to have a spry playmate. Our oldest dog Oscar was beginning to slow down, and he’d always been a somewhat serious fellow.
Oscar treated our adorable puppy as his thoroughly annoying nemesis for exactly one year. Then, seemingly overnight and for no ascertainable reason, Oscar became one of Leo’s biggest fans. He began following Leo everywhere, wanting to share in whatever adventure he would dream up next.
I wrote my first “Lessons from Leo” in the spring of 2020, when COVID forced us to shelter in place on our farm. During that stressful time, Leo’s boundless exuberance and persistent curiosity brought our family much joy and entertainment. His gentleness, coupled with the happiness and excitement he brought to each new day, not only lifted our spirits—they set a wonderful example of how to live.
One of the many things that dogs can teach us is how to embrace each new season of life as it arrives. It’s hard to believe Leo is already seven. Although he’s no longer a young dog and gray hairs have recently appeared on his muzzle, he’s still extremely agile and full of energy. My husband and I have yet to change our habit of calling him “Baby Leo.”
This year, in our seventh installment of “Lessons from Leo,” instead of focusing solely on the great wisdom our pup imparts, we’re starting off a little differently. Sometimes the most important lessons we can learn are about what not to do…
1) Notice your self-sabotaging patterns.
Leo loves playing with his ball on the concrete beside our swimming pool—squeezing it in his mouth, dropping it, chasing it while it bounces…until he helplessly watches it roll into the water where he is unable to retrieve it. After standing at the pool’s edge staring mournfully at his unreachable ball, Leo will eventually start to bark an urgent plea for one of us humans to grab the skimmer net and rescue it for him.
Once reunited with his ball, Leo begins to happily play until… there it goes again! And then another time, and another time, and on and on….
While watching Leo repeatedly create the very predicament that makes him so unhappy can be amusing, it’s also baffling and exasperating.
But Leo’s predictable pattern also offers a gift: It makes me reflect on how often I do something similarly self-sabotaging, yet somehow keep repeating the same behavior anyway.
For example, I’ll often check my emails right before bed—despite swearing off this habit repeatedly—only to read something that sets my mind spinning and keeps me from falling peacefully asleep. And I still find myself bending down too quickly first thing in the morning—even though I know better—and ending up with a painful back spasm that takes days to resolve.
Now, when I catch myself perpetuating a behavior that doesn’t serve me, I think of Leo and remind myself, “The time has come to stop rolling the ball into the pool!”
2) Don’t follow every rule.
Leo has always been a free spirit with a mind of his own. While Henry generally complies with our family’s rules, Leo appears to seriously consider what we’re asking of him before making his own decision.
For example, on our off-leash farm walks when we’re heading home, Leo will start veering away from our usual route through our back door. When I call for him to come back, he’ll look at me thoughtfully, and then go his own way, taking a different, more circuitous ramble. When Leo finally arrives at our front door looking so innocently happy, the glow of his joy rubs away my irritation.
Leo’s free spirit (which could also be called “disobedience”) can be particularly inconvenient if I’m running late or when a car is coming down our driveway. But I must admit that I also admire how Leo moves in the world with such independence and clear self-direction. In contrast to how sensitive I am to disapproval, Leo lives life from the inside out, unapologetically listening to his own inner compass.
Leo makes me think about my father, who also had little interest in conforming to society’s rules simply because it was expected of him. If my dad heard music he loved in a supermarket, he would begin to dance, unconcerned about what other shoppers might think. Learning to let go of his worries about other people’s judgments was one of the reasons my dad lived with such joyful abandon.
Of course, some rules are essential for keeping us safe and helping us live together harmoniously. But others are simply conventions we’ve accepted without ever questioning how well they serve us. Leo is always reminding me what liberation looks like.
3) Embrace whatever settles your nervous system.
Leo has a very specific way of handling excitement. While Henry will bark incessantly while I prepare their food or get ready to take them on a walk, Leo heads straight for his big toy bin. He’ll find whichever ball or stuffed animal feels right for the occasion, and then hold it in his mouth while he waits patiently and quietly—which Drew and I greatly appreciate.
Leo will never leave for a farm walk without a toy, but he’ll also never bring one back with him. Instead, he always drops it on the ground after being outside for a few minutes, which is why dozens of dog toys can often be seen scattered all over our farm.
Drew fully supports Leo’s coping strategy by regularly collecting his toys and returning them to the bin so that his supply is continually replenished. One of Drew’s favorite moments is watching Leo’s extreme delight upon discovering his bin filled to the top with his best-loved toys that he hasn’t seen for a while.
Leo reminds me to recognize what steadies me and reach for it quickly and consistently. And Drew’s dedicated toy-gathering reminds me of a beautiful way to care for the people we love—not by telling them how they should feel, but by respecting and supporting the healthy ways they’ve found to care for themselves.
Happy 7th Birthday Leo!
Thanks for all the important life lessons! We love you!
