Pause: Seeing Your Mother Anew
With Mother’s Day weekend upon us, I’m sharing selected excerpts and writing prompts from an article Laura Davis and I wrote for Spirituality & Health magazine four years ago. These prompts—whether written out or simply reflected upon—are a great way to vividly access deep or forgotten memories. Laura Davis’s groundbreaking books have sold two million copies and been published in 11 languages. Her latest, The Burning Light of Two Stars, is an award-winning memoir about her tumultuous relationship with her mother.
Our earliest years are our most formative—a tender time when we learn what it feels like to belong and be loved. Our relationship with our mother, and other primary caregivers, establishes the emotional tone and psychological patterns that will shape us for the rest of our lives.
Even if we were lucky enough to have a mother who was present, loving, and capable, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Every mother has her own unique history, emotional wounds, and painful struggles that will inevitably impact her children. As adults, spending time deeply and honestly reflecting upon this most primary relationship can be both enlightening and healing.
Bestselling author Laura Davis points out that our stories often morph over time as we grow and change. “It’s okay to fully embrace your subjective truth today, knowing that it may be different tomorrow or years from now when life gives us a new perspective.”
Laura and her mother Temme, 2014
Laura is well known for her provocative writing prompts that stretch you to enter new territory. She explains, “Prompts can help you remember things you forgot long ago. Allow yourself to be spontaneous and go where they lead you. Hold the reins loosely. The prompts are meant to open you up, so go with the flow and meander.”
Below are ten of the thirty prompts from the original Spirituality & Health article. You can explore them all here.
What my mother taught me
What my mother failed to teach me
My mother’s hands
Tell me about an object you strongly associate with your mother
Things I still don’t know about my mother
Tell me about an aspect of your mother’s life that has nothing to do with her being your mother
Tell me about something you loved doing with your mother
Tell me about something you hated doing with your mother
Tell me about your family from the point of view of the kitchen table
What I couldn’t understand about my mother as a child that I understand today
Whatever your relationship with your mother has been, this is an invitation to see her—and explore your shared history—with new eyes. Sometimes, in the act of remembering, something shifts. A detail comes into focus, or a new layer of understanding emerges. And in that shift, there can be space for insight, compassion, and healing.
