Now is a Good Time to Be Present
I have always had a very active mind. My mother made a cassette recording of me talking at three, the words tumbling over each other so fast that I repeatedly gasped for breath, as if I was running at full speed.
My entire life, I’ve resided disproportionately in my head, never feeling settled or safe being alive in this body, on this planet, in this very moment. Even though I devoted eighteen years to Zen meditation practice, I could never quiet my mind. I’ve recently discovered that my busy mind is a symptom of undigested trauma—an emotional, energetic and epigenetic legacy from my parents and ancestors, as well as from a lifetime of repression and avoidance. Like my father before me, I am on a quest to heal.
As the daughter of two Holocaust survivors, this pandemic—which sometimes feels reminiscent of wartime—brings new challenges. My deepest terrors have been triggered by the threat to our collective health, vast economic hardship, and by facing bare store shelves for the first time.
In the spirit of my father, I’m determined to use this unique situation as a much-needed personal “boot camp” for learning to face my fears and become more present. No matter how intense, I’m committed to staying with my emotions as they arise, embracing them with curiosity and a tender kindness, instead of reflexively trying to escape them. I’m attempting to live in this moment as much as possible, no matter the uncertainties. As Mendek says, “Presence is where peace lives.”
The journey continues!
Myra
