Tools to Stay Grounded in an Ungrounded World
When I search back in time for my happiest memories, I see my eight-year-old self during the peak of an entire summer spent in the countryside. I am gingerly making my way across large, smooth stones as I follow a river flowing downstream. After weeks of running around without shoes, my calloused feet are comfortable on the sun-heated rocks. I’m both relaxed and energized, brimming with joy and vitality. It turns out that part of what made me feel so wonderful all those decades ago was that I was grounding.
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Hope for Humanity
I need to be honest and share that I am still in shock over the events in Israel and Gaza. The horrific violence feels too painful for my heart to bear, and for now, there is no end in sight—just terror about what the future holds for both Israelis and Palestinians, as well as the rest of the world.
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A Shortcut to Our Best Selves
Each of us is born into an intricate web of familial patterns unconsciously handed down through generations. Since infancy, I was labeled the “good girl” by my mother, while my older sister was branded the “bad girl.” This began when my mother arrived home from the hospital with me in her arms to find my 13-month-old sister upset, withdrawn, and difficult to comfort.
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Turning People Into Trees
Today’s short Pause to Ponder post features beautiful wisdom about acceptance from the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, excerpted from one of his teachings shared by the Love Serve Remember Foundation.
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Lessons from Leo IV
Leo—my family’s extra-sweet and quirky fox-colored yellow lab—turns four today, which means it’s time for the fourth installment of “Lessons from Leo.” I feel enormously grateful for our adorable pup, who brings much joy and entertainment into our lives while continually teaching me important life lessons.
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What Are Your Feelings Telling You?
Real emotional maturity is how thoroughly you let yourself feel anything. Everything. Whatever comes… What you have to know is that suffering is just the refusal to accept what is. That’s it. Etymologically, it comes from the Latin word to “from below to bear.” Or, to “resist, endure, put under.” So healing is really just letting yourself feel.
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Beyond This Realm—2023
Tomorrow marks eleven years since my remarkable father passed away, just shy of his 88th birthday. Because my experience of his death and the connection I felt with his spirit was so profound, years later, when I wrote my introduction to Quest for Eternal Sunshine, I began the book with a description of his final days.
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Who Are You?
A quarter century ago, when I was in my early thirties, depleted by the constant demands of mothering two young children and a fast-growing business, I said goodbye to my family one Friday afternoon for a much-needed weekend break. Accompanied by my sister Ruthie and a close mutual friend, I drove deep into the Santa Cruz mountains, eager to attend a spiritual retreat led by the famous Buddhist teacher, Jack Kornfield.
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What is Your Envy Telling You?
“People don’t like to feel envy. They feel like it’s kind of like a taboo. They don’t want to feel that. They think that they’re a bad person for feeling that. But actually, envy is very instructive, because envy tells us something about desire. I always say to people: Follow your envy. It tells you what you want.” —Lori Gottlieb
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Patience
“‘Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.” This is borrowed from the wise and wonderful Debbie Millman, for it’s hard to better capture something so fundamental yet so impatiently overlooked in our culture of immediacy.” —Maria Popova’s blog, The Marginalian
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Prioritizing Our Own Happiness
“If your happiness depends on your children being happy, that makes them your hostages. So stay out of their business, stop using them for your happiness, and be your own happiness. And that way you are the teacher for your children: someone who knows how to live a happy life.” —Byron Katie, from "Question Your Thinking, Change the World: Quotations from Byron Katie"
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The Power of Presence
“When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment. This is the beginning and the end of spiritual practice. Only in this moment can we discover that which is timeless. Only here can we find the love that we seek. Love in the past is simply memory, and love in the future is fantasy. Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world.” —Jack Kornfield, from A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life
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An Expanded Universe
“The spiritual world provides a sense of wonder and a degree of open-mindedness not always found within the confines of science. The world of reason can be narrow and filled with dead ends, while a spiritual viewpoint is limitless and invites fantastic possibilities. The unseen world is boundless…“ —Rick Rubin, From The Creative Act: A Way of Being
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Loyalty to Ourselves
“Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.” — Glennon Doyle, from Untamed
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Saying “Yes” to Life
“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ― Eckhart Tolle
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Is Free-Thinking an Oxymoron?
“We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society…” —Alan Watts, from The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
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The Gift of Deep Listening
“I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect with another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it.” — Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D, from Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal
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The North Star of Habit Change
As a self-appointed “wisdom gatherer,” I’m always curious about the primary insights offered by self-help books that attain astronomical popularity. One such book is Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, by James Clear. Featuring the tagline “Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results,” this book has sold over 10 million copies worldwide, and is still a #1 bestseller on Amazon five years after its release.
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Breaking Promises
Recently, David Whyte’s powerful poem, “To Break a Promise,” has inspired me to deeply ponder the nature of commitments. In a world that is constantly changing, is it always dishonorable to break a promise? When must we remain steadfast, and when should we muster the bravery, humility and fortitude to leave it behind?
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Boundless Love—Father Day 2023
With Father’s Day fast approaching, I’ve been thinking about the fathers in my life, and the different ways they love their children. Reminiscing about my relationship with my father, I am struck by the fact that he never seemed to care about my accomplishments in the outside world.
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